After spending a couple of months in Karachi, I have been learning how to ride a motorcycle and it hasn’t been too easy. I was having a real hard time with all the gear changing. Spoiled me always had a nice automatic car to drive in Canada, haha! But even tougher are the driving conditions in Karachi. Based on my observations of how Karachiites drive, I came up with my own 11 rules (because lists of 10 are just so overdone) and regulations for driving in this city.
Obviously these rules are exaggerated so read them with a grain of salt. And I apologize in advance for the morbid ending.
1) A driver license is completely optional!
2) There is a minimum requirement to drive, but unlike other countries, age is not the limiting factor, rather it’s your height and it’s a pretty lax rule. If your toes can reach the pedals you are eligible to drive… so tipsy toe on your way.
3) When driving, look in every single direction and this includes looking up as well because you really don’t know where the car, motorcycle, rickshaw, Qingqi (pronounced chinchi), bus, donkey cart, cows and goats (yes cows and goats still roam major streets in this bustling metropolitan city of over 18 million residents), pedestrians and kids will come from. Ahhh! I need eyes on the back of my head and while you are at it can you add one on each side and on top as well. Phew, I think now I am ready for the drive.
4) The drivers here are just overgrown teenagers pretending this is a real-life video game and you have to go as fast as possible while avoiding all the obstacles including the potholes, open sewage holes, speed bumps, street vendors and the crazy traffic. Who’s going to win?!?
5) Street directions are just a suggestion. Use whichever direction that will allow you to reach your destination faster. Besides you collect more points if you drive in an incoming lane.
6) Traffic lights are for street decoration. At an intersection, whoever can get there first will have right of way. However, this often leads to completely blocked intersections (and the resulting traffic jam) because everyone wants to cross the intersection at the same time. The first time I witnessed this I was quite astonished and found it quite funny and ironic (the irony because everyone is trying to go fast and by ignoring the lights all they end up doing is slowing everyone down – did I really have to explain that?).
Now, after having been stuck in this situation a few times, I think this scene should only belong in some Bollywood romcom movie, where at a street intersection, a guy and a girl cause another apocalyptic traffic jam by blocking off each other and everyone behind them resulting in the predictable argument followed by falling head over heels in love…complete the typical “boy meets girl” Bollywood plot line.
7) The horn is your most precious tool. Use it frequently to warn people, cars or animals. To be polite, honk to warn before you abruptly cut-off someone. Also, use it as a defense weapon when about the takeover someone and honk to ensure they don’t cut you off as you speed by them.
8) Always keep low rupee bills with you in case the traffic police or cops feel like they haven’t earned their daily income and try to pin the blame on you. Flash them a couple 100 rupee bills and all will be well again in their universe.
9) Watch out for night driving which can be extremely dangerous since street lights are either non-existent or not working (perpetually). All the obstacles that are camouflaged in the darkness pop out at you at the very last second like in a haunted house, sending your car/motorcycle swerving and your heart racing, which is the reason for rule #10.
10) Extreme sports junkies would love to drive in Karachi. It’s a pure adrenaline rush!
11) Driving in Karachi will make even the most stubborn atheist pray to a higher deity. Prayers become a fundamental routine before setting on the road since you can never be too sure where your final destination will be.
By Atif Godil. The writer is Chartered Accountant and has a keen interest in Pakistani affairs.